How about a story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
I’ve always had a weird situation with having two personalities and I think it goes back to my childhood days; I’m named after my dad but he didn’t stick around long so my mom started calling me George. There isn’t a real reason why she picked George…it just wasn’t my dads name.
So…since I can remember, I’ve had people who called me Jerry and people who called me George.
Once Sharky entered, I realized that I was Jerry but there were two sides of Jerry- Sharky and George.
George is the decent guy who believes in the human race; while Sharky literally despises people. We all have our good side and our bad side, mine just seems to be more separated…the problem is, that is showing to be true when it comes to trying to change my life.
I’m like two different people; different as night and day….yet it’s still me.
You have the me that understands how to lose weight and does it- eats perfect, works out, and gets the job done and I honestly feel best when I’m that guy. I track all the food I eat, I keep my MACROs balanced, I walk 3 times a day and then do tons of exercise after work. I check out weight loss blogs, articles, recipes and I try to make it the majority of what I do.
THEN….you have the other me; the me that usually shows up on weekends and holidays and it’s honestly like I’m a different person. Every emotion I have leads me to bad food- if I’m sad or happy; aggravated, annoyed and just celebrating something- it all leads to bad food. I don’t seem to care what I eat or how much; I don’t track anything, I don’t really do much of anything as far as exercise and I probably don’t even drink a glass of water- where the other me is drinking around a gallon a day!
This has been the problem with my weight loss journey my entire life and this month, it’s really shown me that I’m literally two different people.
Maybe it’s the lack of structure at home- I can just eat/drink whatever I want but when I’m at work, I can only eat/drink what I take with me.
The plan was to do great this weekend but that plan got blown to bits; starting Friday and ending last night- but now I’m back to the routine and trying to figure out what the fuck actually happened?
Maybe I don’t really want it as bad as I thought- if I can just allow myself to completely change from one person to another and not even really care while it’s happening.
I have to figure it out and I’ m afraid it’s going to have to be all or nothing- I can’t be trusted with an off meal or off day and I’m going to have to be strict on my food intake because that is where the problem is- I have to take control of it and not allow for ANY changes to the daily routine.
No food as celebrations or stress relief; no putting myself in a position to be “out” and “have to eat something”.
The issue is, and always has been, the food- it’s not the exercise- that is honestly a very small percentage when it comes to weight loss….it’s almost ALL THE FOOD.
I can burn 2000 calories in 2 hours of literally killing myself and then turn around and put no effort at all into eating 2000 calories in a Chinese buffet or with pizza, candy, etc. – so, while I’m killing the workout as in going beast mode and working my body like crazy; I then turn around and literally kill all the work!
I’m tired of going back and forth and there is no telling to the permanent damage I’m doing to myself.
At least I haven’t stopped trying to figure out how…
Love, Peace and Sharkyness