When it comes to weight loss, there has to be a mentality change or you are just wasting your time. I’ve wasted decades trying to lose weight- only to fail or just gain it back again. I’ve had a lot of temporary success but could never stick with it. I know how to lose weight because I’ve done it and I’ve ENJOYED doing it…so there is no excuse why I quiet- it’s all a mental game with food.
Today, December 28th, 2016- I think I may have had a break through. For the last couple of weeks, I had decided that I would start fresh on January 1st, 2017 so why not just go nuts.
I’ve gained about 20 lbs and I feel like shit- I honestly go to bed worrying if I’m going to die in my sleep. I have a constant headache, my favorite jeans literally split open (two pairs!!!) and I’m tired all the damn time. I remember setting here and thinking “man, I wish these next few days would just be OVER so I can start trying to get healthy and not feel like this anymore!”
The more I thought about that, the dumber I felt. I thought and thought and just couldn’t wrap my mind around why I was doing this exactly….why was I forcing this idea of “starting fresh on the 1st” and making myself miserable for no fucking reason…it’s insane!
I downed a ton of water and went for a walk and now I already feel better.
This is a fucked up disease…it’s an addiction and the more I set here and think about the bullshit I’ve told myself, the madder I get.
I can’t go all out just yet because we have to put our decorations away this weekend so that I can get the bike and boxing bag out but I plan on cutting WAY back on the food and starting to walk 3 times a day again and adding healthy food and exercise where I can…. TODAY…
I truly hope I don’t go back and just stuff my face with crap- I want to keep this feeling…this motivation…I want to remember just how damn bad I feel right now because being skinny doesn’t feel better than food tastes…however, NOT feeling like you are going to die anymore probably will.
I know what foods to eat….I know what exercises to do….I’ve laid the plan out time and time again- I just need to focus on the mind games and the binge eating. I have to be honest with myself, even when I’m alone.
I need to become a fucking Member berry and come back to this post anytime I feel like I’m slipping and say…
….”oh yea….I member….”
Love, Peace and Sharkyness!