“I plan on taking 2018 day by day…focusing on happiness every single day.”
I decided back on day one that 2018 was going to be different for me and I actually stuck to that- I am not even close to the person I was a year ago- physically, mentally and emotionally. 2018 has been the biggest year of my life- you have moments throughout life that causes a specific year to burn into your head while other years are never remembered again.
1997 – the year I graduated.
2003 – the year I met my amazing wife.
2006 – the year I become a father.
All of those things are amazing and really set those years apart from years like 2002…I mean, really…2002?? What a stupid year- I couldn’t tell you a single thing about 2002!
Most years have something big happen but 2018 had 3 HUGE things that stick out- things that completely changed me into a new person. Two of those things were pretty bad and one thing was pretty amazing but I’ve continued to do things to make me happy…just like I said I would back on the first day.
I’m writing more, playing more video games, trying to watch less news and just doing things that I enjoy…even if there isn’t a specific reason- like coloring. I’m learning new things like how to stream or create YouTube videos and I’m setting up 2019 to be another amazing year.
A year is honestly what you make it and 2018 proves that- I got hit with a couple of things that would really screw folks up and led to posting one of those stupid memes about 2018 beating me up or something…but nah…fuck that.
I can honestly say that I love my wife more and more every single day and didn’t realize that was possible and our son gets smarter and cooler by the day. Thankfully, those things don’t change and continue to be amazing…but some things did change…three things really come to mind.
MARCH – I had been doing Sharketo for a couple of months and just finished an egg fast and I was having some stomach issues and it felt like I was constipated and was in pain. I went to the DR and they said it was constipation and gave me medicine to help- it didn’t help and the pain got to the point of where I was literally crying. Once my wife came home from work, I was in our bed and I believe I blacked out a few times. I was rushed to the hospital where I was told my appendix had burst and I would need emergency surgery. The DR also said it was really bad and I was still pretty overweight so there was a good chance I would make it but he would do his best. I had lost about 70 lbs and if I hadn’t, they probably would have had to do the full surgery and I would have been out of work for months- thankfully I had lost the weight and they did the easier surgery and I was only out a few weeks.
You could see the uncertainty on the DR’s face and he was very upfront…it could go either way. My wife asked if I wanted to call our son but what the hell could I say? I didn’t want him to worry and, honestly, I didn’t want to face that situation. I cried with my wife and told her I loved her as they rolled me into a solid white room, put a mask on me and I was out.
That could have been it…never to wake up again. But I did wake up and went through several days of pain, needles and trying to basically learn to walk again- trying to use the bathroom again and just excruciating pain with no help from the pain pills they were giving me.
But I fought through it, continued eating Sharketo and healed up- starting exercising again and got back to 100%. Recover was hard but being told that you could truly die in an instant and really facing that is life changing. You hear it all the time- “tomorrow isn’t promised” and any of us could drop dead instantly but truly facing it is a fucked up situation; one I’ll never forget. I’ll never forget the look on that DR’s face, that room or telling my wife I love her.
JULY – my mom passed away on July 20th and it was a long time coming- she was sick for about a decade and I had been told multiple times that she wouldn’t make it through the weekend or to rush to the hospital because she was going…only for her to recover and continue going years later. When you go through that so many times, it has a way of numbing the reality. When I was told she was getting worse, it didn’t mean much because I was told she couldn’t get worse 5 years earlier. We dealt with the issues for almost 10 years- she continued to get worse and ended up living in a hospital- laying in a hospital bed unable to even turn herself over. We went to see her every Sunday and she was in constant pain and it was crushing to go through that every Sunday…I can’t imagine how bad it was for her.
I would get calls at 2am and make the hour drive, rushing to get there because she was dying…and I did that over and over and over again.
July 20th, I got a call about 10pm telling me that she was having a rough time and I should come in- I got up and started getting my clothes on to make that drive again when the hospital called back and said that she didn’t make it this time.
Then everything just happens- it was a small hospital so they had to know what to do with “the body” so I had to call the funeral home in the middle of the night and literally start planning stuff instantly.
In all reality, it was a huge relieve that she was no longer in pain and no longer suffering in that fucking hospital but it’s been almost 5 months and I still catch myself trying to figure out what to buy her for Christmas or planning our Sunday trip to set with her. Freak myself out because I haven’t called to talk to a nurse today to check on her.
We went to set up the funeral arrangements and I decided to go nuts and eat everything- we went to all of her favorite restaurants and all the places she took me as a kid- eating out was our “special events”- other family’s went to Disney and we went to Giovanni’s pizza- she would pawn her rings just to take me there. I ate whatever I wanted for about a week to help with the stress…I have yet to really get back on track since then. I’m not using that as an excuse but it’s been a lot of enteral stress of the last 5 months and food was always my stress reliever.
ALL YEAR – I fought my way through 2018 and managed to lose 135 lbs. and went from 440.2 lbs to 305.2 lbs. I lost 30.6% of my overall weight and I completed 67.5% of my overall goal of 200 lbs lost.
Mass Evolution was a MAJOR success and I enjoyed written it. I start writing 2019- Missing Link tomorrow and I can NOT wait to see what gets written.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness