Yesterday was pretty hard but I had been expecting it for almost a decade; I think I did a decent job and held things together for the most part. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do and you wish you could just ignore it and let others handle it for you but that isn’t an option.
Mom’s funeral is paid for from life insurance, money she had saved and out of my pocket. The GoFundMe I have set up is to help with the headstone and a stone for her sister who died a while back but no one got her one….if I don’t raise enough, it too will come out of my pocket.
I planned on fasting for 48 hours and then restarting Sharketo but the stress got to me and we hit up McDonalds and I’ve paid for it since- I felt like shit all night and I’m just now getting back to feeling decent.
So…..48 hour fast started last night at 5pm and I’m currently in hour 18 and it’s going to be rough and I’m probably going to be an asshole but I’m going to get through it- period.
Now is the time to regroup….fasting for 48 hours and getting some cardio/boxing in this afternoon and hitting the full routines starting on Monday. Back to my IF schedule of 20/4 and back to the cardio, boxing and weights 5 days a week.
July has been terrible and I allowed myself to grieve my mom the way I needed too and gained several pounds in the process but I truly feel like I have the closer that you need when you lose a parent…well, when you lose THE parent….there was only one.
I’m not saying I’m not grieving but when you deal with the daily fact that your mom is really sick and “dying” for almost 10 years then the situation has a way of numbing itself.
Not only am I working on a 48 hour fast, I started walking during breaks and lunch again and focusing on getting back into Sharketo hardcore.
My last official weigh in was Saturday and I was down 112.2 lbs and while I know I’m higher than that now I’m still down well over 100 lbs and I still have about 88 lbs to go to hit my major goal.
One of the keys for me has been writing….writing to motivate and inspire myself- writing as a way of getting where I’ve been…where I am….and what my goals are out there to the world and really force me to focus on it.
A lot of times I write the same thing but that’s because I’m building a daily routine that is going to get me where I want and I need constant motivation to stay on track.
I honestly feel better when I’m on track and following Sharketo and I don’t know why I allow stress and rough situation to always push me back towards that foods that I know just make me feel worse; I guess that is why it’s called “comfort food” and I needed that this last week but now I need to get back to kicking ass.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness