Let’s be honest right now, it’s not a good Monday.
I made it until Saturday night and then screwed up and added to that some on Sunday and while it wasn’t as bad as most weekends- the scale basically showed the same amount of gain-water weight, etc- which makes NO sense.
All the motivation and building myself up last week- to tackle the weekend- failed. The first hint of a stressful situation and I just nose dive into Little Caesars and cookies.
I think the hopes of being under 300 on 01.01.2019 are now out the door- I get to spend yet ANOTHER week busting my ass just to get back to where I was in order to do it all over again- it feels like the loop is unstoppable.
On top of that- every single person I’ve come across today has just made me even more annoyed.
I’m not giving up or going back to full time cheating- I did stop by 7:30pm last night and working on getting back into the IF- I’ll be walking at work, exercising when I get home and having a delicious Sharketo meal for dinner- weekdays are never the problem- they are pretty routine at this point.
I have done a pretty good job of asking myself “why” I’m eating what I am and even though I know the answer, I still can’t stop binge eating and making myself miserable.
The only silver lining to this is the amount of time/food- normally it’s 2.5 days of cheating- from Friday night to sometime Sunday but this time was only a few hours Saturday night and a few Sunday and while a cheat is a cheat- I didn’t go out and spend all day buying all the food I could and eating it- so that is a plus.
I’m not going to waste my time with self-motivation or trying to hype myself up for the weekend. I’m not stopping either though- I’ll put in the work this week to hopefully get back to where I was and try to take it from there. I’m also going to try to get stricter and figure out a way to just remove myself from temptation by doing stuff liking going to stores less, staying away from the grocery side and trying to just remove that stuff from my live completely. That is easier said than done with the way stores shove candy bars and stuff in your face- you literally can’t even buy something without walking through a mini hall of chocolate, sugar and carbs.
This week has started totally different than last week…if I couldn’t be successful with all the motivation I had last week, I don’t have much hope for this week.
I don’t see hitting the 299 lbs mark this year and that is pretty devastating but I need to realize as long as I keep standing back up and recovering- I’ll get there eventually.
This is the true struggle of this journey…you win some, you lose some and sometimes you just purposely screw up and will never fully understand why.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness~~~~~shArky~~~~~