My saddest memory isn’t just one memory but almost a decade of memories rolled into one. My mom got really sick about 10 years ago and I watched her slowly and painfully die- I was told over and over again that she would die before a specific weekend was over or that she couldn’t get any worse…only to be told the next week she had gotten worse.
I was afraid to look at my phone to see the hospital calling, I was afraid of turning the corner in the hospital when we went to see her. I dreaded going to see her on Sundays and watching her in pain and slowly dying.
It’s always tragic to watch someone die but how much does it fuck a person up to watch that for almost a decade? Not your normal “she’s sick but doing really well” but more like “she could die any minute, she is in really bad shape” and you face that every single fucking day- year after year.
One night, I got a call that she was rushed to a hospital in Lexington- long story short, once I had found where she was, I walked through the wrong door (it was 2-3am and not many people around) and saw her laying on a bed, her clothes ripped away, covered in blood with her eyes rolled in the back of her head- that is an image I’ll never forget. She lived a few years AFTER that and every single day just go worse and worse.
A lot of people think I’m a shitty person for dreading to go see her or that I was almost happy when she passed away- those people have probably never watch someone slowly and painfully die over a 10 year timeframe- if they had, they would understand.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness~~~~~shArky~~~~~