In today’s Facebook memories, I saw where I had posted about an early birthday present from my mom and it hit me that this is my first birthday without her. She is the only person in the entire world that told me happy birthday every single birthday for 40 years.
We made it through the first Halloween- where I didn’t get to show her what Evan was going to dress up as. We made it through our first Thanksgiving/Christmas not trying to plan two of everything and doing all of the traveling and spending those holidays in a hospital- watching someone slowly and painfully die. (We did that for almost a decade!)
I’ll make it through my birthday…and then her birthday would have been April 8th (which is on a Monday this year) so I’ve decided to start an annual tradition of going back to Danville and eating at our favorite place- Giovannis- it’s a pizza buffet place and it does mean knocking myself out of ketosis and gaining some weight but it’s worth it. This year I’m going on Saturday, April 6th. I know- just the other day I wrote that I probably wouldn’t ever go back to Danville and now I just planned to start an annual trip. Truth is- I hate Danville (and there IS a Giovannis in Nicholasville) so maybe I won’t go back to Danville- who knows…I have a little over a month to decide- either way…Giovanni has a match scheduled VS Sharky…and I’ve never lost.
After that there is only a July 4th that will be a “first”…and then they all start being the 2nd…then 3rd and then so on until there are no more.
July 20rh will be the one year anniversary of her passing away and I plan to make that a big day for me- riding my first roller coaster and hopefully being down 200 lbs. I may even get my “440.2” tattoo that weekend as well.
I’ve become the type of person that doesn’t really give a fuck what others think about my actions and this is just another situation to apply that level of “no fucks given”- my mom and I had a good relationship that could be strained at times- she was a hoarder and we argued over that- she was stubborn and hard headed and extremely hard to get along with and we argued almost every time we were together but she was still my mom and there was a ton of love there. People can think what they want- I stopped caring a long time ago.
I’ve picked April 8th as “Giovanni’s Day” because it’s her birthday and that was our favorite place when I was a kid and it has a ton of memories (I’ve wrote about it before.) I picked July 20th because that is the day she passed away and I want to celebrate life on that day; she is gone but I’m still here.
As an atheist, I believe more in celebrating life than mourning death- and that is what I want to start celebrating each year, on July 20th.
The 7 months since she passed away have literally flown by and it seems like just yesterday that I got that call and had to face a reality that I wasn’t sure would ever actually come…I think it may always “seem like yesterday” honestly.
It’s weird how things hit you.
6 days until my first birthday in this different reality.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness