I don’t really care what the scale says anymore.
YES- I’m still weighing and I’m still posting it each month and keeping track of it but that number doesn’t affect me the same way it did just a year ago.
When I first started out, I would weigh myself at least 2 times a day- sometimes as many as 4 times a day and it was ALWAYS different- sometimes up and sometimes down and that came along with emotional ups and downs every single time.
I keep saying it but I need to really get it drilled into my head- and yours- that number really doesn’t mean shit- like your BMI. Just numbers that make you feel worse about the situation you are in and usually only helps to make life worse for you.
This last 1.5 weeks is a perfect example-
I was at 299 lbs- then cheated and hit around 318 lbs in about 3 days- then fought my way back over two weeks, down to 302 lbs- then cheated and was at 316 lbs yesterday and today I was back down to 312 lbs and I will probably be around 306 lbs when Friday hits. If I make it through the weekend, I’ll be roughly back to 302 by next Wednesday and should be back to about 299 by the end of the month for total weight loss of ZERO for March.
I could push really hard and maybe squeezes out a pound but the reality is still there. As low as 299 lbs and as high as 318 lbs- all in the matter of a few weeks.
Most people (including the old me) would step on that scale and see 18 lbs gained and just lose it and give up- it’s devastating. The cool thing about doing this long term is you learn how your weight adjusts based on what you do so you come to expect it and you KNOW that you can just work it back off- but it’s still annoying and aggravating. About 2 weeks of being PERFECT to work off 2 cheat days doesn’t really seem all that fair.
I’ve been as high as 325 lbs just in 2019! But still managed to recover each time and get back to where I was so I no longer focus on the scale that much. I still want to see lower numbers and I still want to see it say 240 lbs but when it goes back up- I know why, I catch it before it gets out of hand and I get it back down.
The positive is that I know how to maintain a specific weight range- just not the range that I want yet. I really need to get back strict and just kill those last 59 lbs and then I can play this yo-yo bullshit with my weight and find that balance of enjoying the food I love but also limiting it and eating Sharketo and exercising and being active and enjoying life.
I work at it every day- I learn something every day- even the cheat days. The days I cheat, I really focus on what- what triggered it and what pushed me to binge and I try to adapt. I’ve worked out a great way to catch that I’m binging and stop it and flip it back to Sharketo pretty quick and that is a huge improvement.
Every day is an improvement- even the bad ones.
The fact that I saw 318 lbs on that scale again and just said to myself “cool, no biggie, back to work” and then got back down to 302 lbs just shows me where I am and how far I’ve come to not letting my weight control my emotions.
I screwed up last weekend- I realized it, changed it and I’m back on track and the gain is slowly going away and I’ll get back to where I was- no doubt. I’m focusing really hard on way stop the weekend screw ups but I’ll never be back to 440 lbs again- that is a promise.
At this point, I’m comfortable saying that I’ll never see 320 lbs again. It’s a “two step forward, one step back” situation and I keep screwing up but I usually get a pound or more lower when I recover s the scale, overall, is still going down each month. It’s not the best way but it’s still progress.
122 days until Kings Island and I still need to get back to where I was and then drop that 59 lbs.
No doubt I’ll kill today, Thursday and most of Friday…and then the battle really sets in.
Saturday we are going to Jeffersonville, IN to shop and play Pokemon GO. I should get a ton of walking in on an beautiful day- by the river. Then we’ll have some brats for dinner so I think I may be able to push through. Make something awesome on Sunday and, just maybe, I can force through the weekend- if I do, I’ll have a loss for March.
Impractical Jokes is less than one week away! I’ll actually fit in the seat like a normal fat person!
Love, Peace and Sharkyness