Honestly- I’m slipping on everything and I’m ready for March to be over. It seems that March just isn’t ever going to be “my month” even though it’s my birthday month. I haven’t done a Fat Tuesday video in a couple of weeks, no Fat Tuesday post this week- I updated on Monday and then had Impractical Jokers on Tuesday. I haven’t put effort into writing for my American Reality stuff either and didn’t do a “In The Kitchen with Sharky and Jackie” on Sunday because I spent the day puking.
Last year we all remember all that shit and then this year I’ve had two stomach attacks, Evan’s sick, I have had the urge to just binge on shit daily and then, yesterday, the hospital calls and says the insurance company took back the $19,000 they paid a year ago so I had to deal with that shit.
This will be the first month, out of 15, that I’ve gained and I’m not even trying to recover at this point- I’m taking the L and focusing on April.
I keep coming up with little “projects” to try to motivate me like the “Picture This” thing I tried and failed but there isn’t any motivation at this point and I don’t understanding it.
Maybe it’s that April 8th would have been my mom’s birthday and this is the first one that she isn’t here for; maybe it’s that death is just fucking everywhere right now. Not sure if you guys follow my charity- Commons4Kids- but we had a long time supporter pass away- he was a cool, friendly guy and we literally just dropped cards off to him about a month or so ago and he was in high spirts- getting ready for the upcoming little league season and just happy and friendly and now he’s dead. Then we watched the new episode of “My 600lb Life” and I really liked the girl and she seemed sweet but sad- she was fighting and working hard- lost over 300 lbs and made plans to go back to college and then she died.
It’s like- what the fuck is the point?
I know that’s a crappy way to be and I’ve come really far and can’t stop now or go back to where I was but then it just hits me-what the fuck is the point?
With all that said- I’m not giving up- so new plan…I call it the “Dr. Now Challenge!”- I’m going to try to lose “Turdy pound dis munt”….if you don’t watch Dr. Now, that means “lose 30 pounds in a month” and I’m going to try that in April. I still have the 200 lb lost goal and still have my first roller coaster planned in July.
This is just a rough spot and I’ve done/probably will do a nice little amount of damage to my weight before all the gravy clears but it’s a minor setback and I’ll recover.
It’s a shitty way to feel and I don’t like it- I don’t like going from highly motivated and on top of the world one day to literally “what the fuck is the point” the next.
Maybe I’m “bi-carbolar”? Bi polar only with carbs…who knows.
Taco Bell for dinner.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness