Another missed “Fat Tuesday”- ???
Yep- I guess we can call this “Thick Thursday”- fact is, April started right where March left off. I’ve had that nasty taste in my mouth for several days and just waiting on the pain/vomiting to set in but it hasn’t yet. I’m downing pepto like the old me used to down Mountain Dew so that may be stopping it—it just putting it off.
At first I thought it was fennel, then spinach, then over eating and now I think it’s just eating in general- I ate perfectly on Monday and still woke up Tuesday in rough shape. My tooth is hurting, always on the edge of having one of this gastro attacks and yesterday I just felt like total shit.
I feel a bit better today and I’ve just decided to go about my life- if the pain comes, I’ll suffer through it and if I start puking- I’ll puke and get right back at it- I’m tired of letting this shit get me down for days at a time or throwing me off track.
I’m going to start trying some CBD oil, drinking a meal and then eating a small meal per day with focus on water and fasting. I’ve come too damn far to give up or to let myself continue to be slowed down by this bullshit. I feel like my body is doing everything it can to stop me and fight against me and I don’t get it.
The plan hasn’t changed. The plan works and I know that but adapting it all this crap I’m getting thrown at me is harder than I would like it- but I’m going to keep fighting until it kills me.
Food is slowly becoming my enemy and I don’t think that is healthy but it seems like if I put food into my mouth- I get sick for days at a time.
Fasting. Fasting. Fasting.
Water. Water. Water.
Gotta repeat this over and over in my head until it becomes LIFE
Eventually I will get things back on track- I still have a long way to go with a lot to say. I’m trying to fill all of my time up so I don’t even think about food but when I slack on everything, then food is the only thing I focus on.
I really have to FOCUS on the fasting- I used to think it was “just not eating” but that leads to thinking about eating or thinking about not eating and you are so fucking focused on not eating that food is all you think about and you end up not being able to fast- that isn’t how it works.
You have to put your mind on other stuff- video games, researching, writing, drawing…anything BUT food. You can’t just sit there and think about “not eating…not eating…not eating” because you are still focused on food.
Most people don’t realize the actual struggle that goes into weight loss- it’s not just eat less/exercise more…TRUST ME.
Not giving up though….
Love, Peace and Sharkyness