Here is my main problem- I go from one extreme to the other when it comes to energy and motivation.
Once I have a cheat day- I lose all the energy and motivation and have a really rough time getting it back and that can turn into months. I’m tired all the time, fall asleep on the couch and just feel like shit as my normal every day thing.
When I follow Sharketo for a few days in a row and get things going in the right direction- I start getting a bust of energy and motivation and just want to fucking attack the world!
I want to exercise more- do this project- do that project- get this and that done and do it NOW! I get to the point where even my computer isn’t going fast enough for me- almost like I get anxiety from just sitting and waiting on my computer to react to my clicks…almost like the world around me is in slow motion.
I love that feeling because I get shit done- I write more, I draw and play video games and get cards done and I’m just on top of the world; however, there is always that “craving” in the back of my head that is telling me how good Oreo’s are or how great fast food would be right now…it also tells me not to worry because I can always start fresh again tomorrow…and tomorrow…tomorrow.
We were watching “Haunting of Hill House” last night and there is a spot where one of the characters is hooked on heroin and he’s headed to rehab- literally IN the car to go to rehab- but he wants his sister to get him one more hit- he wants to basically have that “one last high” before he makes the change and gets clean. He tells her how he is motivated and to trust him- he just needs to “get well” with one more hit of heroin and then BOOM- he’ll just magically do it and not be addicted anymore.
That is EXACTLY what I tell myself every fucking time- I’ll just have today to get all my cravings out and have anything I want and then I’ll start fresh tomorrow and succeed and allowing myself that cheat day makes it, literally- the greatest day of my life- I’m soooo damn happy- like a heroin addict getting one more hit.
The same episode had another addict- sort of his girlfriend- explaining what rehab is like- trying to get better and doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result- Einstein would call that insanity- but it’s not…because every day is different. I know what to do to lose weight because I’ve done it several times now and, even though I screw up and “backslide”- if I just keep starting over fresh and trying to do the same thing over and over again- eventually there will be a different result because every day is different. Trying to break this addiction is doing the same things- the things you KNOW work- every single day- no matter how many times you fail- trying to get a different result and…eventually you get it. That doesn’t mean that you won’t relapse again but you start right back doing the same thing you had been doing.
That episode was really eye opening- on top of that, I wasn’t really getting into the series that much until that episode- it was amazing and really got me hooked.
Long story short- call it insanity if you want but I know what works for me and I’m going to try to do it over and over and over until I get the results I want.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness