You ever fail…but be in a good place about that failure?
Yesterday we did NOT have the Sharketo pizza/brownies because we had some time issues and my mental shit was in full effect- so we had Mexican and while Mexican is a pretty good Sharketo option- we didn’t eat Sharketo.
You can get a steak/chicken/shrimp fajita without the rice, beans or tortillas- just a plate of meat and veggies but I didn’t do that and here’s why- I’m OCD- at least to a point…but aren’t we all?
I could NOT wrap my mind around starting fresh on July 31st- I need a start and finish to be successful. I need a timeframe that sort of “opens and closes” if that makes sense…so I needed to start fresh TODAY..August 1st!
I have also made my mind up that this is it for me…this is life or death. If I’m not within a very small range of my goal weight of 240 lbs by 01.01.2020 then I’m done trying and I will eat myself into a happy little coma or death.
And I will do that, I assure you.
I’m going to do what I talked about the other day- focus on what I CAN have…for every situation- even holidays or special occasions- no days off or bad food celebrations because I need to change how I see food- it can no longer be a reward or celebration.
I’m going to try to greatly limit my diet soda and sugar free stuff and bust my ass off for the next 5 months and then see where I am.
I’m also going to cut back on the weighing and focusing on the scale and just focus on doing what I know works and give myself a huge amount of time between stepping on the scale. I would love to not step on it again until 01.01.2020 but I know that isn’t going to happen.
This is also a risk because I know the mental games I play with myself and not facing my weight is something that could really screw me over but not seeing the scale go down is too much of an aggravation for me and pushes me to give up if I don’t see the results I think I should based on the work I put in.
I need to just learn to do this “Every Day. All Day” for no reason other than to just do it as a lifestyle.
I need to make Sharketo my EDAD lifestyle with a specific goal in mind and I need to come to the realization that there are foods that I shouldn’t really ever have again or at least not focus on those as much and just pretend they don’t exist. Ignore them and focus on what I can have.
I’m going to be adding lots of “doing stuff”- if I even feel hungry I’m going to try to force myself to “do stuff”- video games, coloring, going for a walk, mow anything but eat.
Tonight should be easy- we have our son’s 8th grade open house, then he has band practice and we are cooking. Tomorrow night is loaded and then Sunday, Monday and Tuesday is going to be a mini vacation which is both good and bad- we’ll have lots of stuff to do but some of that is shopping and that usually leads to finding snacks and crap like that.
BUT….I’ll get in a ton of swimming and playing in the pool for three days so that has to be a good thing.
The last good thing is that Evan goes back to school next week and that should lead to us getting into a schedule and schedules work well for me. We should be busy all the time and I should have about 1-2 hours by myself each day to really focus on ME- exercising, upping the weight lifting and just focusing on what I need to do.
2019 has been wasted so far but there is still 5 months to recover it and make 2020 the best year of my fucking life and I plan to do just that.
Love, Peace and Sharketo