I’ve had more than a few people tell me that they thought I was bi-polar but I always thought that meant crazy- basically. Like- people who lost their shit and tried to stab someone with a knife or something and that isn’t me.
After 40 years on this earth and some research- I think those people were right.
I’m just a big ol’ bi-polar bear.
OK- that could be taken really, REALLY wrong.
I get the point though- I have ALL of the signs and I did a little survey thing and did some research and EVERYTHING about being bi-polar matches up with me PERFECTLY.
I go from one extreme to the other- almost instantly. I go from loving humanity and wanting to do charity work constantly to literally hating humanity. I go from being motivated to lose weight and killing it to literally binge eating day after day with the feeling of “who gives a fuck?”
I could wake up today and eat perfectly and exercise and just be overflowing with motivation and energy and then wake up tomorrow and literally not give a shit if I hadn’t woken up.
Hell, I could go from one extreme to the other in the same damn day and there is literally NOTHING I can do to stop it or change it back.
I have every single symptom during a high state and a low state…like EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!
I don’t really want to go to a DR about it because they will just put me on some “happy” pills or some shit that makes me- well, “not me” and I know that sounds stupid but I’ve heard/seen shit with those types of pills and I don’t really want anything to do with. Plus, it’s just more money we don’t have- so I’m paying for shit I don’t want in the first place.
With that said though- it does seem to be getting worse…like, wider swings from euphoria to depression and I have no control over it.
I wake up every single day and WANT to be motivated and happy and try to set the day up to hit goals and be amazing and some days follow through but most just come crashing down around me.
The one good thing that I’ve told myself and actually stuck with is this- “as long as I take the stairs at work, I know I haven’t fully given up.”
I know that sounds a pit pathetic but I feel like- as long as I take those stairs and not the elevator, I’m still trying and still fighting.
The moment I step foot back on that elevator, then I know I’m done.
Here’s to hoping for one of the good days!
Love, Peace and Sharkyness