….holds the entire journey- it’s not just a before and after picture for most of us.
Everything in my life comes in “chunks”- I call those time periods “chunks” because they are literally chunks of my life.
I feel like a different person for long periods of time and it drives me insane.
Here’s a great example- January-June 2018 I was motivated, inspired and killed life in general- nothing could stop me…not even my appendix bursting! I lost 110 lbs and felt on top of the world, I was in the best shape of my life.
Then July-December 2018 was a bit difficult but I still lost another 10 lbs or so but just wasn’t as motivated or “into it”. January-March 2019 I stepped back up and dropped another 20 lbs or and by my 41st birthday on March 3rd, I had lost 140 lbs and was down to 299.8 lbs- under 300 lbs for the first time in a LONG time.
Then- that chunk of life quickly ended and a switch flipped in March and I didn’t care about weight loss at all…honestly didn’t care if I died. I started to binge eat, stopped exercising and gained 30 lbs in March alone.
April-July 2019 I didn’t really give a shit but I forced myself to keep trying so I did a good job of maintaining around the same weight but, around the middle of July- I didn’t give a shit anymore and now I’ve gained another 20 lbs.
I never stopped fighting and I’m still fighting but I feel like I just snapped my fingers and a year of my life was just dusted away.
This weight loss stuff is so much more than just a before and after picture- it’s a mental battle and the more research I do and the more I learn about myself the more I realize why I’m doing this and what is actually going on.
I’m still down 90 lbs and I’m at a weight that I told myself I would kill to be at…I told myself that when I was at 440 lbs, if I could just get down to 350 lbs then I would be way better.
Now…here I am and I’m still not happy with it because I’ve been way lower and I know that is where I need to be (and even lower).
Yesterday was a pretty good day- got over an hour of walking in, rode the bike, did some boxing and my full Monday workout. Did my fasting, ate perfectly but had an ice cream sandwich right before I went to bed because we had two left in the house. Not perfect but way better than most days lately.
I do have some motivation back thanks to finally stepping on that scale and seeing how bad I let it get and the next 2-3 months is going to be INSANE thanks to our son being in the high school band so we are going to be super busy and I’m hoping that helps to keep me from just setting around all the time and eating.
I’m trying to find that routine again and force myself back into a “good chunk” because I feel like, if I can just get down to 240 lbs, then I know how to maintain a specific weight and how to find a good balance because I did it for several months but I’m not at that maintaining point yet…I need to just have a good chunk of killing it to just get there.
So- here I am being honest with myself. I’m back to 352 lbs and I’ve spent the last year making life way harder on myself for no reason.
But I’m not giving up yet.
Love, Peace and Sharketo