Browsing "Thoughts"
Nov 1, 2017 - Thoughts, Weight Loss    No Comments

I’m No Nicolas Cage…But

I was given this role…I didn’t play it.

We are all given a role when we are born- sure, your parents hopefully tell you that you can be anything you want and a very small handful actually change it but for the most part, we all fall right into place.

Some people move out of that small town and hit the big time…some try only to return and some just settle in with the thought that something like that is impossible.

When I was born, my parents lived in the projects…the ghetto…tiny apartments within the Housing Authority- whatever you want to call it- I called it Crescent Drive. I’m not delusional, it wasn’t anything like you see in the movies or the ghettos of huge places like New York- I didn’t live in fear of drive bys are getting robbed…BUT…I was placed into my role.

Being poor isn’t a color issue, at least it wasn’t for me…although I was the minority. There were a few of us white kids but mostly black kids and we played together and it wasn’t an issue. Being a different color wasn’t the issue…being poor was.

My dad left when I was a very early age so it was always just my mom and I – no siblings…no real family-just us. There were aunts, uncles and cousins but I rarely saw them and when I did they always called me “little Jerry number 2” because I’m named after my dad. It was understood by society that I was a poor kid from a single parent home getting free lunch and I had a clear path…probably to a life of crime, fast food or factories.

I was destined to have a kid and then leave…like my dad. I was destined to never make anything out of my life and simply play the role I was given but I didn’t let that happen.

I was always the fat kid and while I did have a few bullies throughout my school days, it wasn’t as bad as some of the other fat kids…I was one of the “cool” fat kids and that got me through life. I had a couple of girlfriends here and there, got a job at Burger King and then went to college.

I moved out at 18 and had my own place- I was still super fat but had no issues getting girls but I noticed that I had started to swing more towards “my path” with multiple fast food and factory jobs but I was in my 20s and enjoying being a bachelor so it wasn’t a huge issue.

There were moments I tried straying from my path…when I moved to London, KY and become a Certified Medical Coder…I was getting some articles published here and there but then life happens and I got knocked back down.

Then my wife came along and pushed me to entirely new path…she is the MAIN reason I didn’t end up exactly how I was supposed to- she pushed me because I wanted to do the best I could for her…I struggled through a few temp jobs, then a grant position and then fought my way into a full time position and started working my way up and along the way, I helped push her to do some things that got her into a better position.

Along the way we had a baby and, honestly, I was scared to death that I would swing back to my destined path but I didn’t…I’m not saying I stayed with my wife because we had a baby- I’m saying that I refused to fall into the role I was given…I stopped the cycle. My dad didn’t have a father around and I didn’t have a father around but my son has had a father for the first 11 years of his life and he will have one around until I die.

I’ve been at the same job over 12 years now and even got an outstanding employee award earlier this year…no fast food or factories. I’m not saying those are bad jobs but if you have common sense, you get what I’m saying…and trust me, there is NO doubt in me that I could still end up working at McDonald’s one day…nothing is promised in this world.

On top of all of that, I’ve spent the last 6 years of my life running a charity and giving back to kids.

My son has never lived in the projects and has no clue what that type of life is like…he’s never had to go through the lunch line and get free lunch or stand in line to wait or free cans of pork or blocks of cheese. He’s never stood in a grocery line and been embarrassed that his mom had to pay with food stamps. He’s never had to run into multiple stores to buy a cheap piece of candy with a food stamp in order to get real money back as change.

Again- I’m not saying any of that is bad…I’m just being honest with the way I felt as a kid. We aren’t rich now, we are just above the line that I talked about in the paragraph above- we are just above the levels that get you all of the government help…but we are making it and that is a step forward…a step away from the role I was given.

This all comes back to weight loss- both of my parents were overweight and I was an only child on food stamps- I was spoiled and grew up on unhealthy food because it was way cheaper and that is a fact.

That is the one role that I have been type casted with and I can’t seem to break out of it. I remember telling myself in middle school that I would not spend my life being overweight and it’s been an up and down roller coaster ever since- weight highs up to 440 lbs and lows down to 295 lbs. and everything in between and I just can’t get it under control.

I’m proud of myself for everything I’ve done with my life and I don’t feel like it’s been a waste but then I remember just how obese I am and it seems to outweigh everything else. (get it…outweigh…because I outweigh most people…humor people!)

The wife and I are trying to start fresh today, November 1st on Sharketo and finally get this under control and I want to be positive and motivated but there have been so many setbacks along the way and it seems to get harder and harder each time we try.

I want to go into “beast mode”….I want to get strict and do it…even if it kills me…I’m 4 months away from 40 years old and almost to the no turning back point.

I have to do something amazing…breathtaking and prove to the world that I’m more than this role I was given.

I’m ready for my close up.

Love, Peace and Sharkyness

Sep 26, 2017 - Thoughts    No Comments

YouTube Star?

Those that know me know that I love YouTube- #Logang4Life. I have several favorites from folks like Logan Paul to DramaAlert to Billy the Fridge to Boogie2988 and even Philly D! (Plus several Pokemon players as well – YellowSwellow and Omnipoke)

I sometimes get the question- why don’t you have a YouTube channel…well, I do…but I haven’t really posted on it for years and probably never will and that reason is very simple – “I have a face for radio and a voice for blogging.”

I’m not attractive and I sound really stupid…so I post the written word instead. (I don’t have an editor so it’s usually pretty bad- from grammer to just using the wrong word.)

See what I did there….

Well, how will you ever reach your goal of being famous????

That is the key- I have no goal of being famous- I have a goal of being heard and letting others out there know that there are people that see the world the same as they do. I remember going to church as a kid because not believing was never an option for me…it didn’t think it was an option for anyone.

Not standing for the anthem? Speaking your mind? Not believing in fairy tales? Thinking Cubone could be an amazing Pokemon? I didn’t realize a person could do ANY of that when I was a kid and that is a huge regret for me.

I also write because I enjoy it, it helps relieve stress and it puts someone out there that doesn’t fit in line with your social norm and it allows for others like me to feel more comfortable speaking out.

The final reason is pretty simple- blogs make us smarter. Just watching stuff on tv/YouTube is making us dumber- me included…some videos are full of valuable information but most are just of idiots blowing money on stupid stuff- money that could be used to make the world a better place- and we mindlessly watch…like I said, me included!

I think writing/reading is good for the world…speaking your mind is good for the world….being YOU is good for the world and this is a way for me to offset some of the ignorance that fills my head from other places.

I don’t want to brag but I can honestly say that there are people all over the entire world that know who I am based on my charity work and I would much rather be known for that. From most states to Japan, Australia, Italy and the United Kingdom!

I do get a lot of comments from people telling me they enjoy some of the stuff I write…or it’s well written or well said and that makes me just as happy as being famous…if I can do that without an editor, wonder “how much gooder I could writez” if I had one?

Love, Peace and Sharkyness

Sep 8, 2017 - Thoughts    No Comments

Dear Christians

Let’s, for a moment, be on the same page. I, as an atheist, will put myself in your shoes and agree with your beliefs- there is a god…but not any of the other thousands of gods….only YOURS.
I keep seeing people like Kirk Cameron or random preachers yelling about how all of these hurricanes and earthquakes are god’s punishment for things like abortion, gay people or just not being humble enough and I wonder, why can’t it be the other way around?

Remember- we both now believe in Yahweh…so why can’t he be creating all of this chaos due to things like electing someone like Donald Trump to lead us? Why can’t the hurricanes be getting stronger and stronger because he is getting madder and madder that we continue to allow racism to march in the streets, disguised as “freedom of speech?” 

Here is a better idea- maybe god created hurricane Harvey to give Christians a chance to show the world their values and to be the light in such a terrible storm…but then people like Joel Osteen let him down, so he created hurricane Irma to give them a second chance? Another shot to do the right thing?

Maybe god sees the way we are closing abortion clinics and treating women like second class citizens, the way we hate each other for our difference or the way we let our government control who can/can’t love each other (and get a tax break for it).

I find it funny that we both now agree that god exists yet we each use the “wrath of god” to further our agendas- yours of control and hate and mine of love and acceptance. 

Maybe god sees that we are destroying the planet he created…we’ve realized how and why yet we continue to refuse to stop and ignore things like global warming, so he’s decided to step it up and help us destroy his creation even quicker?

That was fun…but back to reality. Claiming hurricanes are punishment from a god due to people not following YOUR agenda is beyond insane and shows how screwed up your head is- to ignore that this stuff is not only normal but continues to intensify based on climate issues is the exact reason things continue to get worse and worse…and the answer is to pray.

Pray for Texas, Pray for Florida….pray for this and pray for that and keep pushing outdated, idiotic fairy tales.

If you believe in god, maybe you are misreading his messages…but if you don’t, maybe you are just as tired of the bullshit as I am.

Love, Peace and Sharkyness

Aug 23, 2017 - Thoughts    No Comments

One Day

Since screwing up on Keto, I’ve had one goal before trying to get back on the wagon and I’ve come close to that goal a few times but never achieved it- having ONE Iced Mocha from McDonald’s without anything being screwed up and it almost….ALMOST happened today!

I was so close, I could taste it….I could feel my destiny and then it was ripped from my hands.

This adventure has included getting an ice coffee with chocolate syrup, getting something that tasted like water with chocolate syrup, getting an Iced Mocha without the whipped cream/chocolate drizzle and having a guy trying to take our order and not having a clue what I was even talking about….but today felt different.

I had awoke early and had some extra time so I figured…why not? It rarely occurs to me that I can just stop and get stuff on my way to work and it’s always awesome when I realize that. I pulled into the Lawrenceburg McDonalds (the one on Commerce Way…our “usual”) with my expectations being pretty low- I was hoping to at least come away with a drink that included coffee in it. I ordered ONE Iced Mocha and the girl automatically entered an ice coffee…BUT….she caught herself instantly and corrected it- even asked me what type of milk I wanted, which blew my mind….I started wondering…I mean…could this be….nah, it couldn’t….but just maybe….JUST MAYBE…my adventure would come to an end. I knew I was way too optimistic- there were only a few feet between me and my Iced Mocha but those feet could have been miles.

I pulled up to the window and paid with my credit card- the girl asked if I wanted a receipt and seemed highly aggravated when I said yes…but that was OK….an employee being aggravated at wanting a receipt wasn’t a “screw up” and she had already instantly caught her mistake earlier…so my journey was still on course…I was still set to change my entire world!

I pulled to the next window and looked in at an older lady finishing up MY ICED MOCHA….oh my god, was it beautiful…it was perfection. It was just setting there, ready to go….brownish coffee with the dark chocolate syrup swirled around with a huge puff of whipped cream and MY GOD…the chocolate drizzle was perfect and that dome lit that helps shield your fingers completed it…ladies and gentlemen…this was it! My destiny- after so many failed attempts at perfection, August 23rd, 2017 would go down in history!

I looked away to put my credit card back in my wallet and get everything situated – I turned the air conditioner down, I had the stereo at the perfect listening level…my wallet and phone were put a way and then it happened….I was startled at first….the older lady was at the window with my drink but what had happened?????????

Where was my perfect drink???

I looked at her with obvious surprise- she could see it in my eyes….as if she had killed my only beloved son and I was staring at her with shock, anger and a ton of other emotions…

….this drink looked right but she had removed that glorious domed lid and replaced it with a flat lid, she had smashed the whipped cream and chocolate drizzle down as far as she could…for no reason…it had been perfect…and then I heard what she was saying…

“the Iced Moca doesn’t come with whipped cream or chocolate…so it’s your lucky day.”

I sat there for a few moments….contemplating life and death, thinking of ways to end my life right there…in front of this women- she deserved to see my death, she was the one responsible for it, after all.

I didn’t know what to say or do….even if she was right (which she wasn’t), why wouldn’t you have just left the dome lid on it instead of making a huge mess by smashing it down with a flat lit.

As I drove off, I put the straw in the lid and it instantly erupted, like a volcano of white lava- spewing out of the top of my straw all over me….like my hopes and dreams.

The irony of all of this is that we watched “The Founder” just the other night, it’s basically the story of McDonald’s and how they didn’t want it to become a shitty restaurant like all the others….like it has become today.

Iced Mocha seems like such a simple concept and maybe, JUST MAYBE…one day I’ll have it…but until then, my journey continues…certainly full of future heart ache and sorrow.

So…to my readers…don’t be like me- use me as an example to never put your hopes into a McDonalds…because they are all just so damn terrible.

And just as proof to show that I’m write, here is a screen shot from the actual McDonald’s page….whipped cream, chocolate drizzle and a DOMED lid….if only everything on the internet was reality…if only jpeg’s we found showed real life…how amazing would that be….what a wonderful world it would be….

Love, Peace and Sharkyness

Jul 13, 2017 - Thoughts    No Comments

Life or Death

Life hit me with a couple of things today and I wanted to share.

First – I’ve become the dinosaur, the old man, the veteran, the lifer or whatever you want to call it. I’ve been working at the same place for 12 years now, same actual job for about 10 years and I see these new folks coming in and it amazes me that I was ever like they are. I remember my first day here, I wore a tie and I had one co-worker make fun of me all day because it was NOT that type of place. (That co-worker still works here but he is in rough shape but still kicking.)

Every day is basically the same- where I park, the path I walk in, the elevator I take. I come in, walk down a huge hall and pass a ton of cubes until I get to mine, pick up my water jug and head to the break room. I put my lunch in the fridge, fill up on water and head back to my cube where I plug my phone in, plug my Bluetooth headphones in and start checking email.

I answer emails, run reports and fix issues until my headphones charge up, then I get on YouTube and get “philled” in by Philip Defranco, hope that Boogie 2988 has something new for me, listen to some stuff about keto recipes, check OmniPoke for the best Pokemon content on the internet and then just listen to random videos as I do what has become 2nd nature to me. I enter data and run reports pretty much all day- fix issues, answer questions, set stuff up but I just do what needs to be done.

I don’t know if that is good or bad- a part of me really enjoys knowing how my work day is going to go- knowing what I do and how to do it makes my day a lot easier because I hate doing stuff that I don’t understand and I understand what I do pretty well but another part realizes that I’m just counting the days until I get ass cancer.

The second thing I thought about today is perspective.

Once the day gets started, I set in my cube and when I look up I see a wall of windows- depending on the day, I could see a bright blue sky with huge fluffy clouds and the green of thousands of trees…for miles! I’m on the 3rd floor and the view is pretty amazing. I could see gray skies with pouring down rain or I could literally set and watch a storm roll in- I can literally watch it come in, be over us and leave because being so high up lets me see for a crazy distance…I’m probably seeing the tops of trees in other counties….I bet I could see Russia from my cube! (I mean, Washington DC is that far from KY…right?)

There is nothing cooler than getting a really strong storm while I’m at work- it’s honestly amazing and breathtaking.

You can really tell the difference in the seasons when you can see so much- fall is amazing, snow storms are incredible and I love when Bill Meck tells me there is a massive storm coming because the view will be like a live painting.

That is the view I focus on because that is what I enjoy and my life is pretty amazing right now.

But there is something else that I see daily, right in the same view….sort of hidden in the trees and it’s the Office of the State Medical Examiner. There website says they “assist KY coroners and law enforcement agencies in all aspects of death investigations…perform forensic autopsy to aid in the determination of cause and manner of death.”

Death is right in the middle of my amazing view.

While I’m setting there, enjoying the view and how amazing nature is, I’m also staring at a building full of dead people who have been or are about to be cut open.

Could you imagine the effects of that on someone who was depressed or hated life…to know that you are basically staring at death for a large part of your day- 5 days a week?

So- in closing…I’m almost 40 and clearly on the “downside” of life and past the half way mark on the road to retirement and I get to set and stare at the death building all day….yet I’m still pretty damn happy and love life.

Life is what you make it….you can be amazed by life or focus on death….it’s really up to you.

Love, Peace and Sharkyenss