Daily Relapse

Not all fat people are addicted to food- some folks are just chubbier or overweight.

Being addicted isn’t saying “boy, I sure would love a candy bar.”

Being addicted to food is spending your entire waking moment planning and telling yourself that you don’t need to have sugar, processed foods and “bad” food; telling yourself that you are going to go weeks or even months without “screwing up” and that you go this thing beat- only to end up doing it anyway.

Being addicted to food is eating things that you know are literally killing you, while telling yourself not to do it but having your body do it anyway.

It’s not just a “craving” for something- it’s almost automatic because your body is so addicted to it that it just functions without thought.

Weight loss surgery helps a lot of people, but it doesn’t help people addicted to food- it’s like giving someone addicted to cocaine a nose job- smaller nose, less cocaine…right?

I’m thankful for the weight loss folks I talked to when I started the process because they were not in it to just make money- they explained to me that if I didn’t change my addiction to food, then weight loss surgery wouldn’t help me.

Weight loss surgery is a tool to help you lose the weight, but it does NOT stop you from binge eating or gaining the weight back. They took the time to explain to me that I would be going through all that pain and money but, in my situation, it would be pointless.

Food addiction is the single worst addiction a person can have because you are never “in recovery”- it’s not possible to quit food “cold turkey” …it’s impossible to say “I’ve been 200 days clean from food”- you’d be dead.

Sure- you can say that you’ve not had “bad” food but that is the point of food addiction that folks don’t get- food addiction isn’t JUST sugar and processed foods- it’s food, in general. There are certain trigger foods but I’ll happily binge eat most foods- give me a giant plant of chicken fajita with no tortillas- that’s fine- I’ll eat it all. It’s not just about the calories or the weight but it’s not being able to control setting down and eating a “normal” amount of food- it’s eating and still being hungry and not even knowing why.

It’s an addiction that you must maintain- could you imagine telling a person addicted to heroin that they would have to do just a small amount of heroin every day of their life but yet be able to control themselves enough to not overdose on it and if they went a long period of time without doing heroin, it would kill them. Could you imagine that heroin addict seeing heroin EVERYWHERE? They couldn’t drive down the road without seeing and smelling tons of heroin stores, they couldn’t get gas without pictures of heroin everywhere, they couldn’t watch TV without heroin commercials about heroin being on sell or promoting the new Halloween or pumpkin spice heroin.

I’m not writing stuff about my journey for chubby folks- I’m writing it for people addicted to food- because most of the world can NOT and will NOT understand what we go through- it’s a fucking joke and it’s looked at as “our fault”.

Could you imagine being fed heroin as a kid and having that addiction gene trigger and then having that addiction fed to you, day after day, until you are 445 lbs and then told that it’s your fault because your lazy and eat too much and just “exercise and eat less” and you’ll be fine…and THEN…when you do that but continue to struggle, almost by the hour, that you feel like a fucking failure…all while continually giving in to that addiction.

I’ve said it a million times- if you haven’t been morbidly obese due to food addiction- you can’t motivate or inspire me because you have no clue of my reality.

THAT is why I keep coming back to this journey. THAT is why I keep posting and writing stuff because I want to be the inspiration and motivation for folks out there just like me, who keep getting bullshit information and opinions from people who have NEVER faced what we are facing.

I failed, yet again, last night…but today I’m getting back up because this is a fight that I will fight until the day I die. This is a fight that I will continue to fail until the day I die. This is a fight that I can’t and won’t win- it will never be over…there is a goal weight but there is no end, even when that goal is met.

There is no recover for it. I’ll never be “in recovery”- it’s an addiction that causes relapse every single day…along with the guilt, shame, disappointment and feelings of failure that comes with relapsing.
You don’t have to have illicit drugs, alcohol, sex or even gamble just to live- you can work on recovery and then go months…years…without having those and you will be fine- better even.

So- here’s to another relapse and another day of planning to fight- knowing I’ll fail.

Love, Peace and Sharkyness

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Posted August 26, 2022 by Administrator in category "Carcharodon Carcharias Chronicles