The Power of Pizza

Yesterday, I was in the single worst place an addict can be- alone. Not just alone though but alone with money. I’m not writing this to brag, but I have very little debt and I’ve worked my ass off to get great credit, so I have a ton of “available” credit- as in credit cards…and that isn’t always a good thing.

When your addicted to something, it’s always eating away at your brain and when you get into a spot where you can basically do whatever you want- without anyone else ever knowing- that is when you lose control.

The thought of being able to walk into a grocery store and literally buy ANY food I want- as much of it as I want OR go to any restaurant and just order all I want- is honestly devastating because that “high” is what I’ve lived on my entire life.

When you lose control- you don’t give a shit who knows what you do- you just do it and go down that spiral but when you’re in a spot of fighting you suddenly care- you don’t want to look like a failure, and you don’t want “the world” to know that you can’t control your addiction.

This is where you start hiding it…you start eating (or whatever your addicted to) alone in your car and you start looking for ways to be alone so you can indulge and you know it’s a fucked-up situation but at the same time, you almost feel like it didn’t happen because no one else saw it.

So- back to yesterday- I worked in the office and was headed home and I had basically set there all day thinking about all the bad food I could have and, since my wife and son wouldn’t be home until 6pm or later, I would have 3 hours of “alone” time, with a pocket full of credit cards and I’d be passing all the fast food places anyways- so I would be just saying FUCK IT and having an hour of pure bliss- while just ignoring the fact that I’d crash afterwards and feel miserable- literally. My body would hurt, I would be super tired and I would emotionally be defeated.

But then something happened…I took control and started thinking of the food we had at home- the lower carb food- what could I get stuck in my head- what could I change the craving over too?

I had been wanting to try to make little pizzas on my low carb mini tortillas and I was able to take control of the situation and go straight home- passing all the “dealers” on the way there and made me a couple mini pizzas…and OMG…. they tasted just like Pizza Hut thin crust, and they were amazing! 300 calories and 8 net carbs for all of it.

With that said- I did have birthday cake and ice cream- not like I wasn’t going to have it for my son’s 16th birthday BUT, I could have had so much more terrible food and I didn’t. That is controlling the addiction- enjoying special occasions while fighting through the mindless, everyday indulging.

On top of taking control of the situation- I didn’t let it creep in that since I was eating birthday cake and ice cream anyways, I should just eat shitty the entire day- which I always do.

In my head- a day is 24 hours and if I eat ONE bad meal, I might as well eat bad for the entire 24 hours….as if it’s all or nothing. It’s a weird thought process because it’s pure ignorance. Eating one bad meal is much easier to recover from than an entire day of bad meals…thinking “well, I had 100g of carbs today…might as well add another 300g of carbs” doesn’t even make sense and THAT is the difference in being chubby and morbidly obese. When you’re addicted- you ignore all logic and force yourself to think however you need to think in order to justify giving in to your addiction.

That is the difference of a thin person saying, “OMG I love chocolate” and a morbidly obese person buying $30 worth of fast food and eating it in their car while hiding it from the people around them.

We are not the same.

All that to say this- mini low carb pizzas are amazing!!!! I used La Banderita Street Tacos with some pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, pepperonis, and green olives. Low calorie, low net carbs, high fat, and high protein.

It’s almost perfect, I can have several of them and they taste like having REAL pizza- I took control of this bullshit and finally got rewarded for it.

Love, Peace and Sharkyness

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Posted September 16, 2022 by Administrator in category "Carcharodon Carcharias Chronicles