Where I’ve Been
Let’s look at just how bad I fucked up…maybe that will help get the point across.
I’m literally back to the picture on the left.
I did that WITHOUT surgery…just busted my ass with exercise and keto and I looked like that.
Let’s be honest…YOU would do me, I would do me….Zack Efron would do me.
Then I just gave up.
I keep going back and forth on this weight loss surgery- I joined some groups and talked to some folks- read a TON of stories- and it seems that the help is only temporary and you can easily go back to emotional and binge eating….
….um….then why the hell am I paying this much money and going through this much pain if I will still eventually be able to just go back to who I am now?
I’ve see some success stories but, honestly, much more failures. So many complications and issues…even death.
So I’m paying a shit ton and literally risking my life just to do what I’ve already done TWICE?
I guess I was under the assumption that, when you get the surgery, you CAN’T binge eat or you’ll be deathly sick and it would be a way to trick my brain into not doing it.
My favorite food was ALWAYS pizza and then I started getting extremely sick…like…beg for death sick and it took me years but I figured out I’m allergic to fennel- a spice they put in Italian food. My mind triggered eating pizza with almost dying and now I almost can’t stand pizza unless it’s something different like BBQ or Philly Cheese Steak.
I went from LOVING pizza to deathly afraid of it to now, just the thought almost makes me gag- I need that with ALL food and I thought the surgery would sort of help me get there.
I haven’t cancelled anything- I’m still going full steam ahead. I’ve got 6 future appointments set up and I’m still going to them and then I’ll make a final decision closer to October.
I just don’t understand why I can’t get back to where I was on the RIGHT and stay there.
I will argue with ANYONE, until the day that I die, that food addiction is the single worst addiction a person can have- you don’t have to have a little meth or a drink of whiskey every fucking day just to live.
While there are meth dealers all around me, I don’t see commercials like Reeses that basically says “hey, we know we are slowly killing you…not sorry!”…it literally says “NOT SORRY”.
Posting this picture is hard…just looking at it is even harder.
Love, Peace and Sharkyness